Relay for Life

I joined my best friends Relay for Life team today! I have mixed feelings about it. Not about joining the team, just about the circumstances on why I am involved. I have been involved with Relay for Life since 99 ish. Every year I was always walking for the survivor not walking for the in memory of. Now that, that has changed and I am walking for in memory of I don;t know how I am going to handle it. Some of you know that Lindsey, another one of my best friends, passed away from cancer last summer and I still have my ups and downs with her passing. This year I wasn't at the point where I could participate. It was all I could do to hold it together for the 10 minutes I was there dropping off a birthday cake we got for Linda, so I am sure I would have been a site to see if I had stayed. I know its for a good cause and most of our friend group will be involved so it should be a great time! Wish me luck.

I don't get it

I don't get it. I don't understand how some people always make a mountain out of a mole hill. What kind of life is that? Why always play the what if game in life? Why not just let things happen and worry about things when they become an issue? This is more of a passive aggressive rant than anything. I read a blog that kind of set me off and I don't know why it gets to me. Well, I take that back I do know why it gets to me. I'm not the type of person who stretches the truth or makes something out of nothing so it's really hard for me to understand when people do that. That has to be a miserable life. I feel sorry for people like that. I think they will always be unhappy and probably make the people around them miserable but that's their choice. I just wish they would stop dragging us through the mud to make their unhappiness and untruths easier for them to swallow.

New school year equals fun new students

I started school this week and even though it was only Thursday and Friday (a very short week) I think it's going to be a good year. Of course they are chatty! I have yet to have a group that didn't want to chit chat instead of learn. I can't believe September is almost here. I will have a busy 6 months until March but I'm ready to dive into everything that encompasses the National Board process and I think the kiddos wont know what hit them!

Grandparents

I can't sleep. I think it's because I finally realized that my grandma is mentally gone. She doesn't know who I anymore. I have been putting off going to see her since May because of it and I feel really guilty about it. May was her 86th birthday and we had a family dinner for her. We were sitting around talking and she was looking at one of the picture albums from the wedding and she turned to me and said, "how come I wasn't invited?" I was speechless. "What? Grandma that's you in that picture and that's you being walked down the aisle by Jeremy." She shook her head and said, "nope that's not me. That's someone that looks like me." She didn't remember any of it. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom to go cry. Honestly not because I was sad she didn't remember the wedding but because she had no clue that I was her granddaughter. Like I would really leave my own grandmother out of one of the most important days of my life! My grandparents were always a big part of my life. When I was in kindergarten I lost my maternal grandfather to a heart attack. My paternal grandparents lived in Bethany all my life and my maternal grandma lived in Oklahoma City so they were always around. I saw my maternal grandma every weekend. After my other grandpa passed away I always thought my grandmas should move in together so they could be like the Golden Girls! When I lost my paternal grandma I knew I needed to spend more time with my last grandparent. I would go over and we would talk about school. Occasionally, she would ask me the same questions she had previously asked in another conversation but I gave her the benefit of the doubt because the woman was in her 80's! She would accidentally call me by my mothers name, again fine because we do look alike but she would always correct herself. Then I started noticing some other Dementia related signs and it got to be too hard for me to go see her. It's a no win situation. I want to go and spend time with her. But the her I want to spend time with wont be there. It will be someone who doesn't know me. I will choke back tears the whole time and stay for a measly 15 minutes and then sit and cry in the car for 30 minutes. 5 minutes after I leave she won't remember that she even had a visitor. If you can't tell I'm having a pity party for myself! I'm going to need to get over it because I'm being selfish. So...I'm putting on the big girl panties but stuffing them full of tissues and going to make myself stay for longer than 15 minutes and have a nice conversation with my grandma. Whether or not she knows who I am is beside the point. She deserves this because she's always been there for me no matter my condition so I'm going to return the favor! Eeek...pray for me.

I think I missed my calling

I finally finished organizing my closet. I'm down to 50+ pairs of shoes and the clothing I am getting rid of is being donated to my old team teachers' friend who lost everything in a fire. Ever since I was little I always organized my friends stuff/rooms. I would organize our freezer, refrigerator, drawers etc at home and did the same thing for other people when they asked. And sometimes when they didn't lol! I also love love love to bake and cook. I like to experiment, which I blame on my dad, with food and cooking without recipes. When DH and I were registering for our showers I registered for a Stainless Steel KitchenAid Commercial Stand Mixer. He about had a heart attack when he saw the $550 price tag and swore up and down I would never use it. Thankfully one of my besties, Linda convinced him and others that I needed it and got a bunch of people to go in together and "we" got it at one of our showers! I proved him wrong because I use it all the time! I should be on the T.V. show Ace of Cakes because I have so much fun and am pretty good at it, not to toot my own horn. So why am I talking about organizing and cooking you wonder? Because I think I missed my calling! I think if education gets to be too much I will have 3 new titles. I am going to be party planner extraordinaire/pastry chef/professional organizer. I see a new business adventure lol!

Closet disaster

Wow! I was watching "what not to wear" last night and I started thinking about my closet and what a disaster it is. I hog the entire master closet and am running out of room. Seriously our closet is huge and it's all mine! All the shelves, drawers and rods have clothes on them. I think its time to purge some items and donate them. If you don't hear from me by tonight send out the search party. I'll be the girl yelling, "help" from underneath the piles of clothes. Pray for me lol.

Let's talk about pregnancy

Today has been a strange day. A circle of life day. My bestie lost another family member. Her husband and her just buried his mother in March and now they lost his mother's husband. It's sad but its better. Then my friend Jenn, I will refer to her as bad ass lol had a beautiful baby girl. She had her without any interventions. No epidural, no drugs, nothing! I know that is what she really wanted so I am happy for her. Which brings me to our topic of choice. Pregnancy. Why is it when someone discloses they are pregnant do some people feel the need to rain on their parade with negativity? I guess this can be the case for anything not just pregnancy but it really bothers me. Instead of saying, congrats that's great. Some people automatically go to well what are you going to do with this? Or do you really think you can do that? Instead of putting negative thoughts into peoples heads support them. It will be a whole heck of lot easier to meet set goals if there is support! Moms have a hard enough time with other judgmental competitive moms why can't we all just support each other? Who cares if someone wants to try and have a baby without interventions. Who cares if a mom wants to breast feed her kid until they are 3. Who cares...just be supportive.