Prayers please

Please pray for my friend Leslie. She went into premature labor late last night and lost her twins at 21 weeks. She suffered a heart attack and had to be revived. She is currently on a ventilator and not breathing on her own. The doctors aren't sure if she suffered brain damage. She is only 28 years old. She is married to a wonderful man who brought 3 young children to the marriage. He lost his first wife, their mother, to Cancer a couple years ago.

I suck!

My last blog post was July 1st. Yes JULY! It's September, jeez where does the time go?

I've been swamped with school stuff. My pet peeve is people who constantly talk about their job or people who can't separate themselves from it. I've become my pet peeve. I am under an enormous amount of pressure because we are, for the 2nd year in a row, on the needs improvement list. We have all of these people coming in and out of the classroom which is fine because I know I'm a good teacher and have nothing to hide. However, we have so many added things that I feel like a first year teacher in survival mode. I feel like I can't catch up. I'm an organized person and I feel out of sorts.

I also feel like I'm trapped in middle school mean girls club. From grown arce adults no less. I hate it BUT I was talking to a friend who gave me some words of wisdom that I need to live by for the next 165 school days. It was/is, "take time to see the beauty in things and say thank you for them. Thank you for the beautiful weather, thank you for my precious students, thank you for my wonderful husband, family, and friends. When an angry thought pops into your head , think of a thank you thought. It really changes your attitude and perspective." So, for the next 165 school days, I am going to think happy thank you thoughts. Don't take bets on how long you think I'll make it. Just save up bail money!

Another update to the update

Are you sick of my updates yet? First things first. I've been feeling a little guilty for wanting to get a 2nd opinion from another Dr. I don't know why but I have been. All of that changed today though. My ultrasound was last Friday. I didn't expect to hear anything until Tuesday, Wednesday at the latest. After not hearing anything Tuesday I called around 4:30 and left a message with the switchboard to have the nurse call me. No phone call back. Not a big deal because most offices close at 5 so I thought I would hear from her on Wednesday. No phone call by 3:30 on Wednesday so I call the switchboard again. I leave another message thinking maybe the switchboard lost the message. Not so because the lady says, "it's noted in your chart you are waiting for ultrasound results, do you still need those?" Now it's Thursday and my appointment was almost a week ago and I still have heard nothing. I don't think it's unreasonable for me to want my results or for someone to call and update me. After leaving another message with the switchboard I finally get a call back from the nurse who says, "sorry we didn't call you yesterday the Dr. was in the or all day and she hadn't had a chance to look at your films." I'm not asking for special treatment or expecting my results the hour after I have my appointment. However, the imaging place is in the same building, same floor as my OBGYN. You can't tell me the films took 5 days to get over to her office? You can't tell me it takes 5 days to read films either. I know Dr.s are busy but I think that's unacceptable. At least call me and tell me the Dr. hasn't had a chance to review the films but as soon as she does I will receive a call. Don't just not call me back for 3 days. Feel free to put me in my place if I am being unreasonable!

Now for the results. The results are good and bad. The good news is the cysts on the right side haven't grown. They haven't shrunk but they haven't grown either, so that's good news. The not so good news is I have new ones on my left side and the older cyst grew in size. The nurse didn't say how much growth, she just said they grew. The nurse said the Dr wants to monitor them and do another ultrasound in 6 weeks. DH was put out by the monitor and wait stance the Dr. wants to take so I think the second opinion will come sooner than later. That's where we are as of today.

Summer school ended today. I only had 3 show up so it was a very easy day. I was looking at them realizing how much they had grown and had matured, getting all misty eyed, until E let out the biggest fart known to man. It took me right back to reality lol. I was also looking at the second graders who are going to be my third graders soon and they are so tiny. I may actually be the tall one this year.

This month is going to be a crazy busy month. Which is good, keeping busy is good. I have the GRE test this month. I'm running VBS. I have to attend a 3 day PLC conference. I'm going to Colorado to visit a friend. Then I'll have less than a week off before I have to report back to school. Have a wonderful 4th of July!

A few updates

This is going to be boring sorry! Friday I had another ultrasound. I didn't have the same tech I have had the past 2 trips. This one was asking a lot of specific questions but would never say why she was asking. I know they aren't supposed to say anything but my other girl would always tell me how the cysts were measuring etc. I'm still having the pains and the some other stuff so I'm not real hopeful that the cysts have found a better home.

On a brighter note, I finished my first cohort of my masters course with a 95! Go me. And summer break is coming in 2 weeks! Then I have VBS, a conference in Colorado and it's back to school I go. Fun times.

Nervous Nelly

Tomorrow is another day of violation. Yippee. Hoping and praying the cysts have shrunk so I don't have to go back. In the meantime, I've made a couple of phone calls for second opinions so we shall see. Thanks to those of you who had recommendations. The exam itself really isn't that bad and doesn't hurt. The thing that sucks the worst is the full bladder. I really swear one of these days she's going to take Big Willy and insert it with the "small amount of pressure" she says accompanies it and I'm just going to let go and pee everywhere! I guess as I type I'll sip my water and try to figure out my outfit for tomorrow. Trying to fit into anything that doesn't have a stretchy waste band while carrying around a swimming pool in your bladder is impossible! So, I suppose it's hawt couture of t-shirt and sweatpants. Finished what feels like my 44th glass of water, so I'm going to bed. I'll update when I know. Prayers or whatever you can throw my way tomorrow would be lovely.

One of my pet peeves

One of my pet peeves is people who do things because they think it's going to be easy. For example, "I think I'll become a teacher because they get summers off. Teaching isn't that hard, it's so easy or I think I'll become a mom, you get to sleep and play all day." Walk a day in a teacher's or mom's shoes and then tell me it's easy.

Teaching is just like any other profession and it isn't as easy as it "looks." We don't get summers off. After check out procedures, PDI's and CE we're lucky to get 3 weeks off. We deal with a state that doesn't believe in us. They just slashed our budget by 18%. We don't get raises. We are expected to raise test scores with students who are 2 years behind when they step into our classroom with little or no resources to draw upon. Which means if you teach 3rd graders, 8 year olds, you have to figure out how to bring a developmental 6 year old to a 9 year old standard performance by the time they leave your classroom. Oh and if the state has their way, our salaries will be paid based on said performance. If you're are lucky to find a teaching job in this economy you will most likely be hired in the school that no one wants to work in with makes your job quadruple more difficult. You will see hard times because you will get a low class which means you won't ever advance your step increase. Don't even get me started on the financial aspect. You think you have bills now? Wait until you get to a district that has no money, so you either buy supplies out of your own pocket or figure out a way to supply paper for worksheets and pencils to write with. Then there's the union dues that get drawn out. If your check starts out at $1200 (which most first time teachers are lucky to get 1200 but I digress) and $300 is drawn out for union dues, $50 for teacher retirement, and then we'll say 1/4 is drawn out for taxes you're left with just enough to pay the mortgage. Sound like an easy summers off job now? Hmmm somehow I don't think so.

And because I'm not a mom I can't comment but you don't get to sleep and play all day. Rant over sorry!

Change of plans

I don't handle change really well. I'll give you a couple of examples to enlighten you. Let's take my college experience. From my 3rd grade school year on I knew I wanted to be a school teacher. So, it was only logical that when I graduated college I went to a University whose speciality was teaching. When I enrolled in the program I met with my advisor who gave me a block of classes, when I should take those classes and any class I had to have before graduation. Then I met with the department chair who told me something different. I knew I was going for a ride on a roller coaster to he said she said hell but I buckled in and held on for 7 years! Yep 7 years. I do have 2 degrees to show for it but I wasn't a happy camper each time my graduation date rolled around.
Then there's the whole year of wedding planning only to be upstaged by a massive snow/ice storm. I had everything planned out and was going to be done the Wednesday before the wedding but then came the ice and the ice sucked up all the power. I eventually came to terms with it, changed a few things, cried, and dealt. Thankfully things went my way in the end but the point is I dealt.
Now comes a new hurdle in the baby making process and I'm not dealing so well. I don't know if it's because I want what I may not be able to have, feeling like I'm letting DH and our family down, or all the other crazy thoughts floating around inside my head but regardless I'm bitter, mad, sad. Too many emotions to express. So I'm going to continue to internalize more then post the craziness. Until then I could use some prayers, good thoughts, vibes whatever you can send my way. Love you all!