Gone but not forgotten

The world lost a great person today. If I've learned anything from friends' passing, it's to not take things for granted. Lately, I've just wanted to kick myself because I take things for granted. I take for granted that I'll be able to talk to you tomorrow, so I don't call. I take for granted that I'll be able to come visit you , so I don't stop by. I take for granted that I'll be able to email you later so I put off the just saying hello thinking of you email, because I can do it tomorrow. It's sad that death has to remind me that I'm not guaranteed tomorrow SO if you are in my life, I truly hope you know how special you are to me. I love each and every one of you! Thank you for being such great friends and standing by my side when I needed things. Thanks for supporting me even if you don't always agree with my choices. Thanks for sometimes telling me what I need to hear, gently, and for slapping me back to reality when I needed it too. Most of all, thanks. It was time for me to stop taking all of your wonderful friendships for granted and say thank you. THANK YOU!

Prayers please

Please pray for my friend Leslie. She went into premature labor late last night and lost her twins at 21 weeks. She suffered a heart attack and had to be revived. She is currently on a ventilator and not breathing on her own. The doctors aren't sure if she suffered brain damage. She is only 28 years old. She is married to a wonderful man who brought 3 young children to the marriage. He lost his first wife, their mother, to Cancer a couple years ago.

I suck!

My last blog post was July 1st. Yes JULY! It's September, jeez where does the time go?

I've been swamped with school stuff. My pet peeve is people who constantly talk about their job or people who can't separate themselves from it. I've become my pet peeve. I am under an enormous amount of pressure because we are, for the 2nd year in a row, on the needs improvement list. We have all of these people coming in and out of the classroom which is fine because I know I'm a good teacher and have nothing to hide. However, we have so many added things that I feel like a first year teacher in survival mode. I feel like I can't catch up. I'm an organized person and I feel out of sorts.

I also feel like I'm trapped in middle school mean girls club. From grown arce adults no less. I hate it BUT I was talking to a friend who gave me some words of wisdom that I need to live by for the next 165 school days. It was/is, "take time to see the beauty in things and say thank you for them. Thank you for the beautiful weather, thank you for my precious students, thank you for my wonderful husband, family, and friends. When an angry thought pops into your head , think of a thank you thought. It really changes your attitude and perspective." So, for the next 165 school days, I am going to think happy thank you thoughts. Don't take bets on how long you think I'll make it. Just save up bail money!

Another update to the update

Are you sick of my updates yet? First things first. I've been feeling a little guilty for wanting to get a 2nd opinion from another Dr. I don't know why but I have been. All of that changed today though. My ultrasound was last Friday. I didn't expect to hear anything until Tuesday, Wednesday at the latest. After not hearing anything Tuesday I called around 4:30 and left a message with the switchboard to have the nurse call me. No phone call back. Not a big deal because most offices close at 5 so I thought I would hear from her on Wednesday. No phone call by 3:30 on Wednesday so I call the switchboard again. I leave another message thinking maybe the switchboard lost the message. Not so because the lady says, "it's noted in your chart you are waiting for ultrasound results, do you still need those?" Now it's Thursday and my appointment was almost a week ago and I still have heard nothing. I don't think it's unreasonable for me to want my results or for someone to call and update me. After leaving another message with the switchboard I finally get a call back from the nurse who says, "sorry we didn't call you yesterday the Dr. was in the or all day and she hadn't had a chance to look at your films." I'm not asking for special treatment or expecting my results the hour after I have my appointment. However, the imaging place is in the same building, same floor as my OBGYN. You can't tell me the films took 5 days to get over to her office? You can't tell me it takes 5 days to read films either. I know Dr.s are busy but I think that's unacceptable. At least call me and tell me the Dr. hasn't had a chance to review the films but as soon as she does I will receive a call. Don't just not call me back for 3 days. Feel free to put me in my place if I am being unreasonable!

Now for the results. The results are good and bad. The good news is the cysts on the right side haven't grown. They haven't shrunk but they haven't grown either, so that's good news. The not so good news is I have new ones on my left side and the older cyst grew in size. The nurse didn't say how much growth, she just said they grew. The nurse said the Dr wants to monitor them and do another ultrasound in 6 weeks. DH was put out by the monitor and wait stance the Dr. wants to take so I think the second opinion will come sooner than later. That's where we are as of today.

Summer school ended today. I only had 3 show up so it was a very easy day. I was looking at them realizing how much they had grown and had matured, getting all misty eyed, until E let out the biggest fart known to man. It took me right back to reality lol. I was also looking at the second graders who are going to be my third graders soon and they are so tiny. I may actually be the tall one this year.

This month is going to be a crazy busy month. Which is good, keeping busy is good. I have the GRE test this month. I'm running VBS. I have to attend a 3 day PLC conference. I'm going to Colorado to visit a friend. Then I'll have less than a week off before I have to report back to school. Have a wonderful 4th of July!

A few updates

This is going to be boring sorry! Friday I had another ultrasound. I didn't have the same tech I have had the past 2 trips. This one was asking a lot of specific questions but would never say why she was asking. I know they aren't supposed to say anything but my other girl would always tell me how the cysts were measuring etc. I'm still having the pains and the some other stuff so I'm not real hopeful that the cysts have found a better home.

On a brighter note, I finished my first cohort of my masters course with a 95! Go me. And summer break is coming in 2 weeks! Then I have VBS, a conference in Colorado and it's back to school I go. Fun times.

Nervous Nelly

Tomorrow is another day of violation. Yippee. Hoping and praying the cysts have shrunk so I don't have to go back. In the meantime, I've made a couple of phone calls for second opinions so we shall see. Thanks to those of you who had recommendations. The exam itself really isn't that bad and doesn't hurt. The thing that sucks the worst is the full bladder. I really swear one of these days she's going to take Big Willy and insert it with the "small amount of pressure" she says accompanies it and I'm just going to let go and pee everywhere! I guess as I type I'll sip my water and try to figure out my outfit for tomorrow. Trying to fit into anything that doesn't have a stretchy waste band while carrying around a swimming pool in your bladder is impossible! So, I suppose it's hawt couture of t-shirt and sweatpants. Finished what feels like my 44th glass of water, so I'm going to bed. I'll update when I know. Prayers or whatever you can throw my way tomorrow would be lovely.

One of my pet peeves

One of my pet peeves is people who do things because they think it's going to be easy. For example, "I think I'll become a teacher because they get summers off. Teaching isn't that hard, it's so easy or I think I'll become a mom, you get to sleep and play all day." Walk a day in a teacher's or mom's shoes and then tell me it's easy.

Teaching is just like any other profession and it isn't as easy as it "looks." We don't get summers off. After check out procedures, PDI's and CE we're lucky to get 3 weeks off. We deal with a state that doesn't believe in us. They just slashed our budget by 18%. We don't get raises. We are expected to raise test scores with students who are 2 years behind when they step into our classroom with little or no resources to draw upon. Which means if you teach 3rd graders, 8 year olds, you have to figure out how to bring a developmental 6 year old to a 9 year old standard performance by the time they leave your classroom. Oh and if the state has their way, our salaries will be paid based on said performance. If you're are lucky to find a teaching job in this economy you will most likely be hired in the school that no one wants to work in with makes your job quadruple more difficult. You will see hard times because you will get a low class which means you won't ever advance your step increase. Don't even get me started on the financial aspect. You think you have bills now? Wait until you get to a district that has no money, so you either buy supplies out of your own pocket or figure out a way to supply paper for worksheets and pencils to write with. Then there's the union dues that get drawn out. If your check starts out at $1200 (which most first time teachers are lucky to get 1200 but I digress) and $300 is drawn out for union dues, $50 for teacher retirement, and then we'll say 1/4 is drawn out for taxes you're left with just enough to pay the mortgage. Sound like an easy summers off job now? Hmmm somehow I don't think so.

And because I'm not a mom I can't comment but you don't get to sleep and play all day. Rant over sorry!

Change of plans

I don't handle change really well. I'll give you a couple of examples to enlighten you. Let's take my college experience. From my 3rd grade school year on I knew I wanted to be a school teacher. So, it was only logical that when I graduated college I went to a University whose speciality was teaching. When I enrolled in the program I met with my advisor who gave me a block of classes, when I should take those classes and any class I had to have before graduation. Then I met with the department chair who told me something different. I knew I was going for a ride on a roller coaster to he said she said hell but I buckled in and held on for 7 years! Yep 7 years. I do have 2 degrees to show for it but I wasn't a happy camper each time my graduation date rolled around.
Then there's the whole year of wedding planning only to be upstaged by a massive snow/ice storm. I had everything planned out and was going to be done the Wednesday before the wedding but then came the ice and the ice sucked up all the power. I eventually came to terms with it, changed a few things, cried, and dealt. Thankfully things went my way in the end but the point is I dealt.
Now comes a new hurdle in the baby making process and I'm not dealing so well. I don't know if it's because I want what I may not be able to have, feeling like I'm letting DH and our family down, or all the other crazy thoughts floating around inside my head but regardless I'm bitter, mad, sad. Too many emotions to express. So I'm going to continue to internalize more then post the craziness. Until then I could use some prayers, good thoughts, vibes whatever you can send my way. Love you all!

The letters

Here are some letters to next year's 3rd graders. Notice the spelling!

On the first day of school I was nervest and now I'm glad to get out of school. You can't yell, you can't talk without raising your hand first, and the good things are do whatever your teacher tells you to do.

In Mrs. L's class if you do not be good she will get mad and call your mom. Don't try and tell her a wrong number either because she can look it up on her phone.

Dear 3rd graders you will have a good year it is fun. You are going to be around a mery woman.

Dear 3rd graders it is hard in 3rd grade because you have to do a lot of work and you don't get your way like I don't want to do my work or I don't have to listen to you or I don't have to do my work because she will call your mom and make your mom come up and do your work. How mbaresing.

Dear 3rd graders,
In Mrs. L's class its kind of tough. She really doesn't play games. She expects good behiover. You can't get away with bad behiover, attide, talking back to the teacher. Follow the rules so you don't feel nervos. Plus if you back talk she will sass you and then make you call your momma. Your momma won't be happy when you get home and yoll get in trouble and have to polojize to her.

Dear 3rd graders,
In third grade you have to behave. You have to follow directions quickly! and you have to make smart choices and you have to make your dear teacher happy. I was really shy but then I made friends.

Dear 3rd graders,
In third grade it's fun and cool. You get to play when it's raining we play inside when it doisnt rain we play outside.

Dear 3rd graders it is fun in 3rd grade. Wht you will expect is thet you will not now if she is waching you. You can get away with being good but you cant gite away from lieing to her.

If you are going to be in Mrs. L's class you are going to have fun.

The first day of school I was skard but I had frinds and if you get in trabel befor reces you get reces detchin.

3rd grad is cool and nasty and its asome. Yor gona like it to. Be ready for evrythang you can't get away with inthang.

You will love Mrs. L.

In third grade don't try and get in a fight in Mrs. L's class. If you do she will make you pay in every 3rd grade teacher's class. But don't get me wrong third grade is fun. When I first came to third grade I edd mit I was a little shy. Then I got to know the people and Mrs. L and now I feel sad because I won't see but it's cool okay.

Dear 3rd graders,
Listen to me good. She is the only person in the room who has past 3rd grade so do what she says. She will call your momma for back talk quick. If your rude to her she will be rude back because you learn from it. Don't even think about bucking up to a girl cuz she will challenge you and make you rit a paper over respect. If you don't follow the make your dear teacher happy rule you will never see recess so just smile and say ok. Don't fight over spots in line she has the million dollar spot no one else. She will let you do fun things but only if you listen. Early in the morning do your work or crabby patty will visit. Study your facts and dont say you did because shell challenge you on it. She always wins. Always. She is the only person who is important. She will tape you together if you dont problem solve so you might as well work it out.

Just a few of my creative kiddos! I'm going to miss them!

The end!

Well another year has come and gone...of school that is. My babies grew so much over the school year. I wish things would have turned out differently the last day but they didn't so I tried to make the most of it. That is another story for another time. There will be an update post to this one. I made the kids write a letter to next year's 3rd graders and some of them are so hilarious that I'm making a post about it! I have a busy schedule ahead of me so I'm going to have more excitement to write about. Which means I probably will become a PW! TTYS!

Grad school here I come!

Life changed for me today in a good way. I got accepted into grad school and already received a $500 scholarship. I am officially a student at the University of Texas. I turn my NB portfolio in soon. March 31st to be exact. Start Grad school the last day of May. Take the last 6 assessment center tests for NB in June and find out if I passed NB in November. I hope that when all is said and done this makes me more marketable when I choose to leave the district I am currently with. Surely someone with 5+ years of real life experience, 2 bachelor degrees, a master's degree (in a year) and NB certification (cross your fingers) can get their foot in the door? Oh and somewhere in there I want to take a vacation with the h and be debt free. We are close to the debt free part. No house or car payments. We have an e fund with $1000 in it and only one credit card with debt. While it doesn't make sense to go on a trip when we're trying to become debt free a girl can dream right? This blog is a cluster mess of thoughts, sorry!

What a day

Today has been a wild day. One of my really good friends lost her father unexpectedly. I spent a couple of hours over there with her. I hate not knowing what to say, so I usually don't say anything. But then I hate sitting there in silence too. I also feel badly because I usually end up crying. Which completely defeats the go and be strong stance I try to take. If there is a silver lining to death, she knows where he is and she knows she'll see him again. Good night!

One blonde moment after another

This week it seemed all I could do was pull blonde moments. We finished video taping for National Board this week and after review of the tapes and using the same camera for over 6 months I somehow successfully forgot to take off the lens cap on one of the filmings, turn the sound on on one of the filming, and show my face every 5 minutes. Nice. Anyways, I guess the good news is I finished taping so now I can start the writing process and get this thing mailed off.

I also went to WalMart and bought a dozen Mason jars to use as an extension activity for our Rocks and Minerals unit. Took them to school started my lesson and passed out the Mason jars to start growing our crystals and realized I bought a dozen lids for Mason jars with 12 lids in each box. So I had 144 lids and no jars. Nice.

I don't have school on Monday so maybe I can finish up everything and get some sleep so I don't continue my blonde streak.

I'm a glotten

for punishment, I think. I just spent the last few hours working on my application to enroll in a Master's Degree program. After all, National Board is winding down rather quickly (scary) and I need something to fill my time, right?! I'm so nervous and excited at the same time. A really great opportunity fell into my lap and after talking to Danny and praying about it, I think I would be really stupid not to go for it. Now, cross your fingers I get accepted.

The best part, it's all online. It's from the University of Texas. I know, I know traitor! But look, if my husband who is the biggest OU fan known to man can accept it, so can all of you. The Master's Degree is Educational Leadership and Policy Studies. This will allow me to become a principal or vice principal whenever I'm ready to retire from teaching. I love teaching but know someday I will be ready to move on. I have to take the GRE which makes me really nervous. The advisor sent me a link to obtain free study guides so after I submit my National Board portfolio in March I am going to start studying on that.

AW

I thought since my last post was a little debbie downer woe is me, I should AW myself out. I am one step to getting my SMARTboard. I wrote a proposal through donorschoose.org This is a wonderful site, for me! Donors choose is a nonprofit organization that connects public school teachers with people who want to support classroom learning. The only catch is I don't have enough points. For proposals that cost $1000 or more you have to have 6 points. Since my SMARTboard costs $1575 I am one point short of being able to write the proposal BUT there is a solution! The solution is to write a smaller proposal and get it funded. When any project gets funded, you earn a certain amount of points. I have written a smaller project because my kiddos need dictionaries. It's a PASS objective and it's kind of hard to teach my class when there is a 5 to 1 ratio. Check out this site to see my proposal: http://www.donorschoose.org/donors/proposal.html?id=340879 Thanks to all those people who have donated already! My class really appreciates it and so do I! More than you'll ever know. Oh and if you find someone who wants to donate a SMARTboard, I'll make you cookies/cakes/pies/candies for life!

Funk..look closely that's an n not a c.

I'm in a funk, bad mood, whatever you want to call it, I'm just blah. I took today off so I could catch up on some NB stuff. I have yet to wrap my brain around all of it and feel a like a fraud. The questions are confusing and I feel like such an idiot because I should know what they are asking. I do teach America's youth which is a bit scary since I can't seem to answer simple comprehension questions. Can you hear the whine?
As we are all aware, our economy sucks, which in turn has filtered down onto the education budget. Cuts are everywhere. Some smaller more rural school districts are being forced to combine or even worse, close. We have no money. We can't go on field trips, make copies, get new equipment etc. I have written a few grants to help off set the budget crunch so the kiddos don't suffer. Good God, they already have their crappy home life against them and now we are adding this set of problems to it. This also adds a strain to the NB stipend. Talk of no stipend, decreased stipend, stipend for only those who were NBCT's prior to the 09 school year, has spun the rumor wheel for awhile. While I won't sit here and tell you the money wasn't a major deciding factor into taking this adventure, I would like to get something other than a title when/if I pass. I know that's greedy but it's the way I feel. Maybe that is the source of my anxiety?
Back to my bad mood. I checked my school email on a break from working. That's when things went down hill. I got a ridiculously snarky email. Maybe it wasn't ridiculously snarky maybe I just took it wrong but nonetheless, it really irritated me. Lately there has been a lot of middle school drama going on with the adult staff members that is really getting on my nerves. Everyone seems to come and dump their issues on me, which is fine, but be proactive about the situation. Don't just gripe and then do nothing about the problem. Gripe, take a few minutes, hours, days to think it over so you don't react irrationally and then discuss the problem with that person like we ask the kids to do on a daily basis. We ask them to be problem solvers but yet we can't do that and have to start petty backbiting stuff?
Lets talk about the email shall we? The email went like this: "Someone from the HS called and asked me about the committee you are on. She said committee members get paid and the chairman gets paid more. Is that true? If so how often do you meet and how long are the meetings? Do you get paid by the hour? I didn't know anyone got paid for being on any kinds of committee in a school." Now, I may be reading between the lines or taking it personally because I am on the committee and work my butt off but I took her email to ask the following questions without really coming out and asking them. I even color coded them.
Are you the chairman and how much do you get paid.
I feel like since you are getting paid I should make sure you are earning your money so tell me when you meet, what you talk about, what you accomplish, and how much of your time you give up to these meetings.
Again how much do you get paid.
I'm going to make sure I get a little jab in there about being on a committee that has paid members.
I guess my whole thing might be the fact that every time we have these meetings EVERYONE in the whole entire district is invited. There are no secret meetings. We don't have secret chat sessions or powwows so save the I didn't know bit. Then to top it all off, after we meet I take the notes home and put them into a newsletter, copy them and place them in staff mailboxes so people who couldn't make it to the meetings are still in the know. Let me just restate something...I know this happens because I DO IT!!! And the how much do you get paid question irked me as well. I don't discuss money with people because A-I'm old school and think it's rude to discuss stuff like that because it puts people in a really awkward situation and B-Everyone had the same opportunity to apply for the paid positions so don't have beef with me because I get a stipend and you don't.
Well...enough venting, more working.